just in case

written when dan and i left on our first trip away from kiddos...to Europe!


i realize that i am an over paranoid, control freak when it comes to my precious family!
but...it makes me feel better to have something down b/c i am the above mentioned person.

love you so so so so so much.
you are all my entire life's happiness.
know that you make me smile and feel able to give and receive so much love
every single day since 2000! or before...since i met dan in 1994...yikes.

jack...you are just such an amazing boy with a spirit that takes my breath away.
your energy makes me dizzy. i envy the way you constantly are able to view life
in the present moment. that is something as an adult is my goal, and not as natural to me
as it is to you. you look for the fun, happiness, and feel good times in your day. you make
me forget about the boring and obligatory items in my adult life and allow me to re-live parts
of being a child with you. i never knew how much it would change my life to stay home with you
and make this my life's calling. i have found what makes me so extremely happy, and that is watching
you grow up and being with you almost every second of it!

sammy...you are my gentle love that shows no fear. you adore your brother even with tears
of frustration at times. you couldn't bring more comfort to me by the way you give hugs, need love and cuddles,
and those darling faces you can make! you melt my heart. you have added such joy
to my motherhood by being able to relax a bit and watch you grow up so quickly. you seem
to enjoy everything we do together and always seem to be smiling. your heart seems
so pure and honest. full of concern and love...never lose that. the fun i see you and your
brother have makes me feel such joy, knowing you will always have each other. you boys
are so much of what it means to see God in someone else. you are amazing.

mabel...you are our sunshine. you light up my life so much. it has been such an amazing blessing
to see how another addition to our family has meant so much to all of us and brought us even closer.
your brothers adore you like nothing i have seen before. you are honestly the most perfect baby.
everyday i have felt more blessed to have you in my life. your smile is contagious and you are
always happy. i love to hold you, cuddle, nurse you, and come to you when you wake up and do
your crib dance of joy. always be you...it works.

dan...i hope you know that none of this would be possible without us having made such a great
decision together that our family is of greatest importance. it isn't something that is always easy,
but then again some of the best things in life are worth working for. i have never loved a responsibility
or job more, and doubt i ever could. this has been my life's dream come true, and i am sure would be looked
back on as my glory days. nothing could compare.
i thank you for allowing me to be such a control freak with the boys. i thank you for also loving them so much
that at times you put my control freak in its place so you can be the amazing dad you are. i thank you for still
finding moments in our busy parenting lives, to make me feel the love we started with before kids. i also
thank you for loving, growing and sharing in the life we created, instead of looking at the one we had before. you are my
balance. you drive me crazy at times b/c of that, but it works. we can point out each others need for understanding
something from the other view point, and find ways to accept it.
i thank you for working hard, and trying to always make me happy. it may not be something i thank you for on
a daily basis, but i am happy on a daily basis and that should speak volumes. i love you now more than ever.
i know you now more than ever. and can you believe it, i still want to be with you! i still miss you when we are
apart, and i still would rather spend my time with you more than anyone else on this earth. how is that possible????
i love you always.
i hope the boys can grow up and learn many lessons from their dad, both the ones that come naturally from
you and the ones you work on still. ..
i hope they learn the value of job well done.
that smart always wins vs. loud and strong.
that life is not guaranteed, not even for a moment.
that faith is essential.
that love is always worth it if it's true.
that feelings and actions will always speak louder than words.
that time does fly.
that whatever 'it' is, everyone is not doing 'it'.
that true friends are necessary.
that truth is easiest.
to always leave while you are still having a good time (that would be a work on one dan...ha ha)
and that happiness is worth risk.

i love you all more than the 1,000 more words i could type.
carin