just in case

written when dan and i left on our first trip away from kiddos...to Europe!


i realize that i am an over paranoid, control freak when it comes to my precious family!
but...it makes me feel better to have something down b/c i am the above mentioned person.

love you so so so so so much.
you are all my entire life's happiness.
know that you make me smile and feel able to give and receive so much love
every single day since 2000! or before...since i met dan in 1994...yikes.

jack...you are just such an amazing boy with a spirit that takes my breath away.
your energy makes me dizzy. i envy the way you constantly are able to view life
in the present moment. that is something as an adult is my goal, and not as natural to me
as it is to you. you look for the fun, happiness, and feel good times in your day. you make
me forget about the boring and obligatory items in my adult life and allow me to re-live parts
of being a child with you. i never knew how much it would change my life to stay home with you
and make this my life's calling. i have found what makes me so extremely happy, and that is watching
you grow up and being with you almost every second of it!

sammy...you are my gentle love that shows no fear. you adore your brother even with tears
of frustration at times. you couldn't bring more comfort to me by the way you give hugs, need love and cuddles,
and those darling faces you can make! you melt my heart. you have added such joy
to my motherhood by being able to relax a bit and watch you grow up so quickly. you seem
to enjoy everything we do together and always seem to be smiling. your heart seems
so pure and honest. full of concern and love...never lose that. the fun i see you and your
brother have makes me feel such joy, knowing you will always have each other. you boys
are so much of what it means to see God in someone else. you are amazing.

mabel...you are our sunshine. you light up my life so much. it has been such an amazing blessing
to see how another addition to our family has meant so much to all of us and brought us even closer.
your brothers adore you like nothing i have seen before. you are honestly the most perfect baby.
everyday i have felt more blessed to have you in my life. your smile is contagious and you are
always happy. i love to hold you, cuddle, nurse you, and come to you when you wake up and do
your crib dance of joy. always be you...it works.

dan...i hope you know that none of this would be possible without us having made such a great
decision together that our family is of greatest importance. it isn't something that is always easy,
but then again some of the best things in life are worth working for. i have never loved a responsibility
or job more, and doubt i ever could. this has been my life's dream come true, and i am sure would be looked
back on as my glory days. nothing could compare.
i thank you for allowing me to be such a control freak with the boys. i thank you for also loving them so much
that at times you put my control freak in its place so you can be the amazing dad you are. i thank you for still
finding moments in our busy parenting lives, to make me feel the love we started with before kids. i also
thank you for loving, growing and sharing in the life we created, instead of looking at the one we had before. you are my
balance. you drive me crazy at times b/c of that, but it works. we can point out each others need for understanding
something from the other view point, and find ways to accept it.
i thank you for working hard, and trying to always make me happy. it may not be something i thank you for on
a daily basis, but i am happy on a daily basis and that should speak volumes. i love you now more than ever.
i know you now more than ever. and can you believe it, i still want to be with you! i still miss you when we are
apart, and i still would rather spend my time with you more than anyone else on this earth. how is that possible????
i love you always.
i hope the boys can grow up and learn many lessons from their dad, both the ones that come naturally from
you and the ones you work on still. ..
i hope they learn the value of job well done.
that smart always wins vs. loud and strong.
that life is not guaranteed, not even for a moment.
that faith is essential.
that love is always worth it if it's true.
that feelings and actions will always speak louder than words.
that time does fly.
that whatever 'it' is, everyone is not doing 'it'.
that true friends are necessary.
that truth is easiest.
to always leave while you are still having a good time (that would be a work on one dan...ha ha)
and that happiness is worth risk.

i love you all more than the 1,000 more words i could type.
carin

best days ever

these will be my best days ever.
i typically wake up with a spectacular cuddle session with sammy. jack wakes up 30 minutes later and wants to make us breakfast in bed. mabel usually has to be woken up an hour or so later. we play in our jammies and have bed head hair that smells like the baby shampoo from last nights bath. we leisurely eat breakfast, sometimes twice. we take note of the morning weather. we give lots of hugs and use gentle morning voices. after waking up a bit, i get to witness firsthand the AMAZING and wonderful way my children use their imaginations fresh off a good nights sleep. they build amazing lego structures, create dialog, and run from room to room visiting other galaxies. their energy is endless. i see how exciting each and every new morning is to them. it really is a new day, a new start. the energy, the passion, the creativity is something i envy. it is a reminder that we all should forget our adult world troubles sometimes, and just play. this scene doesn't take long, at the most 2 hours. but we all know that is is the slow build up to what will most likely be a very busy, somewhat exhausting day. these are the moments with my children i wish could last a lifetime.
then, reality sets in. we get dressed. we make beds. we constantly dump things out and pick things up. the outside world distractions come pouring in. our patience gets tested. and during all this, i know that we have a few more tomorrows left to share our special mornings together...and that makes all the difference.

the death of me

it will be pee. yes, pee. the fact that the bathroom is covered in it. not just the toilet, but the floor, wall, molding, shower curtain, and bathrug. its everywhere. i should have bought stock in clorox for the amount of wipes that we go through in one day between the 4 pottys in this house. and its not just spray...many times its puddles. PUDDLES!OF!PEE! now i see why people are willing to pay so much for a 'seamless' toilet.

girls

having two busy boys and then a girl, i expected to notice a few differences in raising them. i also am accutely aware of the loss of energy it requires to keep up with my boys. what could be more draining than that? ummm...apparently the mental exhuastion that comes with raising girls.
mind you, she can't even freaking speak yet. but she's got me figured out.

the other night at dinner i casually mentioned to dan that it was about time for mabel to get some sort of consequence for actions. she is getting a bit slappy with her brothers and is on the verge of tantrums. i describe that maybe i will place her on the step and remove her from whatever situation that requires a consequence.
so...the next morning she wakes up and goes to play in her favorite kitchen cabinets. she loves to pull things out, and then put them back in. today she pulls things out as i am busy getting the daily whole wheat waffles ready for jack and mixing sammy's favorite high fiber cereal combination just right. i hear some noise, look over, see mabel. she has dumped all the cereal on to the floor and is now crunching it with her feet. she is all big blue eyes and smiles. then, she waltzes over to step and sits down. seriously people...she is 18 months. what is ahead for me?????????

birthday wishes

we celebrated and jack was about to blow out the candles when i reminded him to make a wish. he smiled big and said, "i wish it was christmas!" amen.

beer...its what's for breakfast

so my husband has worked quite a few late nights and the boys are missing their 'rough and tumble time' with the daddy-o. so, what does a kind hearted son like to do to get his parents out of bed in the morning? why of course, it is the always interestingly prepared breakfast in bed from our young chefs. jack brought up a tray with one single nourishing item...an OPEN! beer can with a straw in it. ummm...ummm! nothing says breakfast like a can of high life at 7 A.M.!

morning

so today sammy decides to take a bathroom break and proceeds to clog up the toilet. as he gets up to let me know what has happened, his brother decides to play football. the pass is thrown, sammy ducks, and it lands where you ask? in the toilet. that was way fun.
especially since earlier in the day i had already fished out some popsicle sticks and wrappers from the same toilet. now the toilet has red popsicle stains. who doesn't love a good poop story.

old poop story...

jack was not a fast potty trainer. we started and stopped a few times. one day he was playing trains in the basement when i heard him excitedly tell me..."mom, i didn't poop in my pants!"
i was all, well maybe if i just leave him alone he will go on his own is the method i should be using.
when i go down to congratulate him on his big achievement. i notice that the railroad tracks on the carpet look darker then usual. and that he has found some play coal to load into his 'cargo train' compartments. and then it hits me. he may not have pooped in his pants, but it didn't go into the toilet either. ahhh! i gated him in the laundry room and just wanted to burn the playroom down. instead, stanley steamer paid an 'emergency' visit to our house. no, it wasn't a fire or flood... it was worse i told them!